Last month today (February)

February made me shiver / With every update it delivered.

Hi! I started this experiment of keeping a journal thingy at the end of May. Catch up with June, July, August, September, October, November, December, January. If the entry is too long for email, you might need to click on a variation of “view entire post“ at the bottom. Thank you for reading, ily.

Feb 2

Trailer for The Devil Wears Prada 2 is out. Obsessed.

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Grammys last night. Thoughts:

• Loved the Sabrina Carpenter and Lady Gaga performances

• Olivia Dean won best new artist, so happy for her!! She has a fantastic stylist

• Sabrina was robbed, I don’t care

• Chappell Roan looked like a piece of art

• Trevor Noah continues to be fine (sorry to be horny on main)

Feb 3

Had a work call this morning and accidentally stayed up watching Instagram reels until 3 am. Not even TikTok, which I prefer.

Bragged about my screen time being down two days ago. Progress isn’t linear.

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Little One by Olivia Muenter is out in the world. Been following her for a long time and enjoyed her debut, Such a Bad Influence. Looking forward to diving into this one soon. It revolves around a cult which I’m typically not into but I trust her.

Feb 4

The week has gotten away from me and it’s only Wednesday.

My workload has increased, which on one hand is nice because I miss having money, but on the other it means I have less time and creative energy for anything else, meaning the newsletter or a job hunt or funny Notes. Also, a humor newsletter is accepting submission for Valentine’s and I had THE PERFECT IDEA but zero time to write it. Maybe I could work on that instead of complaining here, revolutionary thought.

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Milo Ventimiglia is set to star in American Blue, a police series HBO Max is doing propelled by the success of The Pitt (oh, viewers like old-school television, you don’t say??). It sounds like the most copaganda show to have ever copaganded (in this climate??). But Ventimiglia continues to be hot and I am weak, will probably watch.

Fri, Feb 6

Wrote the thing for the humor newsletter yesterday and submitted it. Was proud of myself, now I feel silly, as it may not even get published. I’ll post it on my newsletter either way but, I don’t know, the self-doubt associated with doing anything creative sometimes eats at you. I guess if it weren’t, anyone could do it.

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Realized I am addicted to my phone. Tough pill to swallow. I knew my screen time is high, didn’t notice until now that I feel physically uncomfortable whenever that damn black rectangle isn’t in close proximity.

Was making progress in reducing my online consumption over January, even managed to cut down my TikTok/Instagram time to under an hour over an entire weekend (!!), now I’m back at 2 hours/day. The kicker is that I don’t even find pleasure in mindlessly scrolling anymore.

I hate this.

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Taylor Swift released the music video for Opalite. It’s goofy and fun! Features all the guests from her Graham Norton appearance, even Cillian Murphy.

Since we’re on the topic, The Life of a Showgirl hasn’t grown on me much. It rests somewhere in the bottom half of her discography. Father Figure was initially my fave, Elizabeth Taylor may claim that spot now. I also like Eldest Daughter a bit more.

My biggest gripe is that it doesn’t have a song that shatters my insides. I’m not that into Lover, but it features Death by a Thousand Cuts, a marvel, lyrics-wise. While Fearless might be my least favorite Tay album (I only listened to it as an adult, probably why), Fifteen still makes me tear up. I like most of the Showgirl tracks, yet I’m not ride-or-die for any of them.

I have been listening to The Tortured Poets Department a lot, and that one is now somewhere in my top 5. May even be above 1989, high praise in my book.

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Maisie Peters released My Regards, which I’m very into. This is probably similar to putting out a book on the same day as Rebecca Yarros or Sarah J. Maas.

Feb 9

Woke up at noon because I fell asleep around 4 am. Literally watched the hours tick by, became increasingly frustrated with each minute. Don’t recommend.

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Bad Bunny’s Super Bowl halftime show was so joyful!! It’s impossible to watch it and not be in a good mood.

No wonder fascists are fuming. Great art is truthful, revelatory, empathetic. They could never.

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Finished a few books:

• A Ladder to the Sky by John Boyne – a wannabe writer is dying to become famous but has trouble coming up with story ideas of his own so he steals them from others, going to insane lengths in the process; loved this, the structure worked for me, it’s quotable and darkly humorous, especially if you are or want to be a writer yourself; then I found out that the author is a self-proclaimed TERF, discovery that left a sour taste in my mouth.

• I Hope This Finds You Well by Natalie Sue – follows a woman who works for a corporation and doesn’t like her coworkers much, she accidentally gets access to their email accounts and chats, plans to use the information to not get fired; the book is marketed as “wildly funny” but I found it sad, the main character is an alcoholic with unprocessed grief and an attitude problem, the story drags, unfortunately it wasn’t for me. That said, the audiobook is narrated by Nasim Pedrad (yay!) and the protagonist is of Iranian descent, enjoyed learning more about her culture.

• Stargazer by Laurie Petrou – revolves around two rich girls in their first year of college in ‘90s Canada, one of them was obsessed with the other’s family growing up, they become friends before their final year of high school and their relationship is codependent, things start to go south as one of them is wildly ambitious and the other quite apathetic; I thought this was predictable and wished it got darker; that said, I adored the atmosphere, it was immersive, and I will never tire reading about intense female friendships, overall I recommend.

Feb 12

My submission for the humor newsletter was rejected. I reworked it a bit and sent it out as a post of my own yesterday. Substack was glitching but I am stubborn. Anyway, it’s one of my worst-performing posts right now. I get it, not my best work, the universe doesn’t have to be so rude about it. Personally think it’s fun.

Generally, I take rejection (very) badly. Not this time around. I’m proud of myself for trying and consider this uncharacteristic positive outlook a sign of progress. Stumbled upon many vids online of people who make it a goal to collect as many rejections as possible. It may be something that works for me as well. I hate asking for stuff, and it would be good to develop thicker skin. (For the record, I mean rejection outside of job hunting, lol.)

Also, I got a virtual KoFi yesterday, and the support felt like a warm hug. As always, I’m happy you’re here <3.

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James Van Der Beek died. Sad, sad news. I was not a Dawson’s Creek girlie, but he was great in Don’t Trust the B in Apartment 23 and that glorious Robin Sparkles music video.

I find it heartbreaking that his family had to start a GoFundMe following his death. I don’t mean this as shade, medical costs in the US are no joke and the family includes six kids. I mean it as an indictment of the current economic landscape.

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Bleachers have a new song, You and Forever. The video stars Margaret Qualley. She is beautiful and hot and talented, I would probably hate her if I didn’t strive to be a girls’ girl. No wonder she inspired a Lana song. Will forever recommend Maid, still think about that TV show four years later.

Rosalía also released a music video for Sauvignon Blanc, she looks gorgeous. And Mumford & Sons covered Taylor’s Cowboy Like Me during their appearance on Radio 2’s Piano Room. Marcus Mumford might be the only person in the world who loves that song more than I do.

I’ve also been listening to Singin’ to an Empty Chair, the latest album from Ratboys, a band I didn’t know existed until recently. Love.

Oh, and two of my favorite Romanian singers, Irina Rimes and Delia, put out a collab, Petale.

Irina sometimes sings folklore/electronic tunes, which I’m not into, but often sings sad girl music, which I dig. Her album Acasă is wonderful.

Delia, meanwhile, sings catchy and mostly ridiculous pop that isn’t up my alley, but has a fabulous voice and occasionally puts out a song that hits you in the feels. She used to be part of a pop duo in the late ‘90s/early aughts responsible for one of the most enduring Romanian hits. Plus, I’m a fan of her personality.

Hope my Romanian subscribers enjoyed this diversion. All 11 of them.

Feb 15

Finished The Future Saints by Ashley Winstead. I enjoyed, but something kept bugging me. I think the author tried to do too much, and not all was successful.

The book is set in present day and follows a band called The Future Saints, with a big focus on the lead singer, Hannah, who struggles with grief. They get a new manager just as they blow up on TikTok. Fame follows, and Hannah spirals.

I liked the band’s rise and the music industry insight. There are also mixed media sections (video stitches, articles, podcast transcripts, etc.) that are very well-done. And I appreciate the painful portrayal of grief, even if it became repetitive, which kind of made it more realistic.

However, a romance blossoms between Hannah and the new manager which I didn’t buy. Each get POVs and I liked them fine separately, but Hannah was such a mess and they didn’t get many scenes together, so I didn’t feel much chemistry. The ending was a tad lackluster, too.

I think the book will suffer from inevitable comparisons with Daisy Jones and The Six, despite doing its own thing with the grief angle. Overall, I recommend it if you like to read about sisterhood, loss, music, fame, and unexpected bonds. I’m also a fan of Winstead’s debut, In My Dreams I Hold a Knife.

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They’re not showing Wuthering Heights at my local cinema, and I’m not traveling to another city to see it. Bummer. They didn’t show Send Help either. For these two, I would have been willing to leave the house.

Feb 16

It’s a friend’s birthday, please watch this short video featuring dressed-up penguins in her honor.

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Last Week Tonight with John Oliver is back with season 13. Since these recaps are named after it, here’s my yearly plea to make you watch. It’s my favorite news show. Their first main story is on ICE, you can check it out on YouTube.

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Robert Duvall died. Legend.

Feb 17

Published a post about beauty. I like how it turned out.

I’m a slow writer, especially when it comes to stuff I publish on here. I can crank it up for client work but anything I post on my own channels usually takes a long time. It’s nice when it comes together.

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Might be hate-reading a book. Not 100% sure yet. Will report back.

Feb 18

Lana del Rey has a new song called White Feather Hawk Tail Deer Hunter. Unsurprisingly, I like it. What is surprising is how much I liked it from the go.

Whoopsie-daisy yoo-hoo does something to my brain that borderlines on the pornographic.

Also love how she’s a constant reminder that I could be weirder.

Feb 20

Eric Dane died. Legend.

Grey’s Anatomy was a formative show for me, this hits particularly hard. Will forever remember Sloan’s tell people you love them speech.

Wow, February is really shitty.

Feb 23

I am indeed hate-reading a book. Workhorse, by Caroline Palmer.

It follows a young woman, Clo, who works at a prestigious fashion magazine in New York in the early 2000s. She’s surrounded by “show horses,” beautiful girls who come from rich families and seem to have everything handed to them without putting in much effort. In contrast, she thinks of herself as a “workhorse,” because she doesn’t have the right pedigree and she’s awkward. The blurb suggests she will do anything to move up the social ladder, including some nefarious things. I’ve seen this described as The Devil Wears Prada meets The Talented Mr. Ripley. Naturally, I was intrigued.

Then I noticed that the book is 500+ pages. My first thought mirrored that popular TikTok sound: “I love books but is it ever this serious?” This is a story about a young woman working at a fashion magazine, not Game of Thrones. Felt bad for thinking that, decided to give it a go.

Well, I am over 40% in, and NOT MUCH HAS HAPPENED. The first 100 pages, I kept waiting for an exciting incident. No such luck. Clo goes to work. Clo laments about her circumstances. Clo acts ridiculous in public. Clo is obsessed with her cubicle mate, Davis, a show horse. Clo makes questionable life choices. The plot picks up eventually, but continues to move at a glacial pace.

I expected her to be scheming and cunning based on the description. All she did so far is whine about the injustice of her life. There are hints of sociopathic impulses, nothing too dark as of yet.

On top of that, Clo seems incapable of having a normal conversation. She says the most outrageous and off-putting stuff, doesn’t suffer any consequences. At times, the dialogue is baffling.

Which brings me to my biggest qualm of them all: the book is poorly edited. Besides the pacing issues, I found multiple missing/misplaced words and repetitions that shouldn’t have made it to the final version. I have zero experience editing a book myself, which on one hand makes me feel like a hater for pointing it out, and on the other makes me outraged on behalf of readers everywhere.

But, Alexandra, why don’t you DNF, you ask? Because I’m fascinated. The story has solid bones. There are snippets of wisdom and relatability, with both New York and the fashion environment portrayed vividly. This only makes me madder, as maybe another draft could have brought the whole thing home.

I can’t look away. In it for the long haul.

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Ice Nine Kills dropped Twisting the Knife, with Mckenna Grace, from Scream 7. As a fan of both Scream and Ice Nine Kills, this is insanely cool. Here’s part 2 of the music video.

While I have no intention of watching the movie until it hits digital because I’m still salty about how they treated Melissa Barrera, I hope it’s good¹.

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This month has been suboptimal.

Dog is so-so, and my life is coated in a thick layer of sadness. Sometimes you thrive, sometimes you’re merely grateful you made it through another day in one piece. Problem is, I’ve been in survival mode for a couple of years now.

I oscillate between berating myself for not doing more and berating myself for berating myself, as I’m going through a difficult time and should practice self-compassion. But the world at large isn’t kind, and I’m behind on everything.

I feel uncomfortable and exposed whenever these recaps take a sad turn. My aim isn’t to bum you out. However, it is to be as authentic as I can be on the internet. Sadness is part of the deal.

Feb 24

Four years since the Ukraine war started.

Four. Fucking. Years.

Feb 25

Things that brought me joy lately:

• Paddington Bear at the BAFTAs

• Josh Johnson’s set on Bad Bunny Bowl

• Heated Rivalry season 1 episode 5 (is love real??)

• Lilly’s post on Who’s the Clown?

• Gigi made me a mood board that’s very accurate

• Dr. Abbot finally made an appearance on The Pitt season 2

Also, Taylor Tomlinson has a new Netflix special, Prodigal Daughter. Saving it for the weekend. I like her and I’m sure it will make me lol.

March 1

We’ve made it through the winter!! Don’t care about the equinox, it’s spring. Incredible how much of a difference a little sun can make. I tend to forget about how depressing February is until it’s over.

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Rosalía killed it at the BRIT Awards. While I’m not particularly into the new Harry Styles song, his performance was fun, too. Also liked Olivia Dean and Robbie Williams.

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It has been an amazing week, TV-wise.

The Heated Rivalry season one finale came to HBO Max in Romania, and I ate it up. I know I’m late to the cottage, but the show is so, so good. An excellent slow-burn romance, with the kind of yearning that warms my heart. The club scene! The phone scene! Actually, the entirety of episode 5!! And then, it sticks the landing. Marvelous.

The Scrubs revival also premiered, and… the first two episodes are delightful? Might be because I had low expectations, or because of nostalgia, yet I enjoyed them lots. There’s a scene so real it will stick with me long-term.

Finally, Paradise is back. The first three episodes of season 2 dropped, which I appreciate. Would have been mad if I got the premiere alone. That said, the premiere was top-notch. It rivals The Last of Us season 1 episode 3, if you know you know. I teared up.

Anyway, very into it. Sterling K. Brown commands every screen I’ve seen him on, I find him mesmerizing.

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Still reading Workhorse. More than 60% in. My opinion hasn’t changed; I’m just more befuddled with each page. What is the point? Why are we following this character? I have no idea!!

Fascinating.

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My two goals for February were to start moving my body more and settle on a publishing schedule for the newsletter. Failed at both. Lost the game of chance, what are the chances? Good, given that the highlight of my month was scoring the premium kind of toilet paper on sale.

That’s ok. It’s spring now.

I’ll give it another go.

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Robert Pattinson pic from Interview

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