I’ve always equated community to nosyness bc I grew up in the same street as all of my mum’s siblings, so I always had someone in my business ready to snitch to my parents about what I was up to (I wasn’t even troublesome or anything, but that’s the environment I grew up in) . I never connected to neighbours by choice, or trusted people to want to do stuff for me without that also meaning somehow getting me in trouble, or just becoming a nuisance, overstepping. With time and by building my own bubble I realised community doesn’t necessarily means no boundaries. I’m sometimes too independent bc I don’t want to owe people, because I’m used to being alone and I like it, but I have been embracing the meaning of community the last few years.
I know what you mean, I spent the first years of my life in a small village where everyone knew everyone else's business. But building your own bubble as a grownup is indeed nice, I'm glad we're both getting more comfortable wt the idea 🫶
> In reality, I’m just awkward while wearing black.
I tore up at this. You hit a nerve. I often feel like an impostor, trying to fit in but never really succeeding. I just left an event with lots of old acquaintances, as I realized none of them really care.
I thought if I'd dress to code and walk the walk I'd get acceptance. Nope. The black is code for nothing. A gap. A lack of light, of color, of life. I have had much more success with a motley crew of friends exhibiting warmth. Go where you are wanted! Life is too short to fit in. No need to placate a crowd of strangers. Find a you-shaped niche instead!
Oh no, sorry about the event 😔 About the whole black thing - I'm glad it resonates wt you, but I just meant that I wear a lot of black which I thought might be off-putting haha 😅 i love black. Also finding a you-shaped niche is dreadful bc it takes trial and error and the error part kinda sucks. Sooo, you have a point.
Ah! well that was like a doctor hitting one knee, and the other leg straightening up =))
If your preference for black is authentic, by all means wear it! My interpretation seems to have been off - that you're somehow ashamed of it; but now I understand that it is in contrast with the "awkward" part. (Edit: look who's awkward now 😅)
Errors are painful indeed. But they also send a message: we have not yet learned something. That we should learn how we got into that situation with those people; reflect; trace and associate the pain to its cause.
There is also the pain of not interacting with people (highlighted by this new post of yours, delightful as always). My hope is, if I listen to and give in like a pinball to the various pains and attractors around, I will end up exploring what I enjoy more often that what hurts.
Your posts are always so full of life. The life-per-word ratio is off the charts! No nonsense. No waffle. Distilled thoughts and feelings scratching the itch.
I’ve always equated community to nosyness bc I grew up in the same street as all of my mum’s siblings, so I always had someone in my business ready to snitch to my parents about what I was up to (I wasn’t even troublesome or anything, but that’s the environment I grew up in) . I never connected to neighbours by choice, or trusted people to want to do stuff for me without that also meaning somehow getting me in trouble, or just becoming a nuisance, overstepping. With time and by building my own bubble I realised community doesn’t necessarily means no boundaries. I’m sometimes too independent bc I don’t want to owe people, because I’m used to being alone and I like it, but I have been embracing the meaning of community the last few years.
I know what you mean, I spent the first years of my life in a small village where everyone knew everyone else's business. But building your own bubble as a grownup is indeed nice, I'm glad we're both getting more comfortable wt the idea 🫶
Yes that was my experience too. Small town, conservative, religious… it takes effort to learn to trust
Slow progress is still progress 😌
> In reality, I’m just awkward while wearing black.
I tore up at this. You hit a nerve. I often feel like an impostor, trying to fit in but never really succeeding. I just left an event with lots of old acquaintances, as I realized none of them really care.
I thought if I'd dress to code and walk the walk I'd get acceptance. Nope. The black is code for nothing. A gap. A lack of light, of color, of life. I have had much more success with a motley crew of friends exhibiting warmth. Go where you are wanted! Life is too short to fit in. No need to placate a crowd of strangers. Find a you-shaped niche instead!
But yeah, finding it can also be dreadful.
Oh no, sorry about the event 😔 About the whole black thing - I'm glad it resonates wt you, but I just meant that I wear a lot of black which I thought might be off-putting haha 😅 i love black. Also finding a you-shaped niche is dreadful bc it takes trial and error and the error part kinda sucks. Sooo, you have a point.
Ah! well that was like a doctor hitting one knee, and the other leg straightening up =))
If your preference for black is authentic, by all means wear it! My interpretation seems to have been off - that you're somehow ashamed of it; but now I understand that it is in contrast with the "awkward" part. (Edit: look who's awkward now 😅)
Errors are painful indeed. But they also send a message: we have not yet learned something. That we should learn how we got into that situation with those people; reflect; trace and associate the pain to its cause.
There is also the pain of not interacting with people (highlighted by this new post of yours, delightful as always). My hope is, if I listen to and give in like a pinball to the various pains and attractors around, I will end up exploring what I enjoy more often that what hurts.
Fingers crossed!! (Thanks for calling the post delightful, *blushing*)
Thank you!
Your posts are always so full of life. The life-per-word ratio is off the charts! No nonsense. No waffle. Distilled thoughts and feelings scratching the itch.
🥹